I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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