I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You can't just leave with hair like that
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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