Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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