I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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