i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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