You're a womanizer and a bitch.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
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Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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