Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
