He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
