the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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