i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i drank out of a bidet.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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