Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
