i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
