maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
