smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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