For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize