Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
