please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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