just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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