look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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