I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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