Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize