do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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