drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
