I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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