My liver just broke up with me...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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