She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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