I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
