I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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