yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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