Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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