If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
