you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
