I think I died a long time ago.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
