Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
