I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
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He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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