So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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