Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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