I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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