my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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