did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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