Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
