He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
