u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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