Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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