What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
3 2 1 whiskey
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
