onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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