in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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