i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
