i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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