dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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