Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
