I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You dont lie about slip and slides
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
