She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
