Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
