You made me cry and you don't even care
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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