i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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