3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize