are you still at the devil's house?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How does it feel to date your dad?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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