She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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