I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.