Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
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Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro