I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂