What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
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I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.