I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Are these your boobs on my camera?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
