I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
