I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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